So, lets get started! When someone tells you that they are proud of you, not only are they impressed by something you did and who you are, but they also want others to know it. ), Seven Thoughts to Help You Parent Peacefully, Hints on Maintaining a Harmonious Household. In what context. When someone says Im proud of you, first of all thanking them is the common response we usually have. 7. Image used under license from Shutterstock, research suggesting that parents saying "I'm proud of you", protective role in a their child's mental health, Should Children And Parents Be Friends? When somebody says that you are wrong: "You are entitled to your incorrect opinion." To each his own. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. Try these new and funny excuses to ask for money from your parents or your family. Sept. 29, 2020, 8:12 PM PDT / Updated Sept. 30, 2020, 5:34 AM PDT. I dont know that you provided a litmus test, but the article acted as such for me. A person receiving this praise could also feel belittled it could feel as though their achievement was unexpected - a surprise to the other person. 10. I also have to let go of holding it against him, because I presume it was a well-meaning gaffeinstead of saying how happy he is for me, as hes never been belittling before. As soon as you break . 1. 24. I am here for the same reason. Second, he must know you well. Renew your PET skills; complete the full course over flexible times; or one-off parenting sessions. Thank you, mom and dad, youre the reason for this. 16. For even more than mentors, but for people who deserve your care and attention in life. I think the phrase Im proud of you is insulting, for the reasons noted above. It may be a taunt from them to do something unusual. The Four Words That Can Protect Your Child's Mental Health, Parenting Behaviours Linked to Suicide Amongst Adolescents, How to let your children know you are proud of them (Very Well Family), First published 28th August, 2014. What if you really are proud of the person? Can "me too" be used here? I dont care that I had to hear it from a video-taped personage. Hearing those words can make us feel seen, understood, and appreciated. Reading the Parent Effectiveness Training book, or attending a PET course, will help develop positive and respectful parent-child relationships, and explore alternatives to praise. "A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you." - C.S Lewis 2. Love you so much. And, you are the best thing ever to happen to me. Thanks for making us proud. 2. Just let them be. They have everything to do with your strength, and what you've endured. facilitator, with over 1000 parents completing the course with her. Consequently I now cringe every time I hear the term being used out of context . I have always seen it as, Ive been there, done that, and think you have done it too.. Well, thats what we are going to share in this post. It is an accomplishment that makes good memories in life. Thank You. Her future mother-in-law (my friend) told me later she was proud of me. Taking a few deep breaths can help you focus. I can take pride if I made a contribution, but I have to frame it that way. Basically, its an ambiguous expression. 14. Thats why its important to take their words seriously and to respond in a meaningful way. 4. The words hit me like a . And you get to benefit from them regardless of the outcome of your relationship. If a homeless guy on the street (lower status) or Bill Gates (don't know him personally) tell me they're proud of me it won't have a huge positive effect. It says, I love you so much that YOUR accomplishment can make ME feel pride. They didn't have to do that. That proud phrase didnt bother me at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I began to wonder, what does she mean when she says shes proud of me? Probably no big deal but would be interested in input from others especially other females. The Proud Boys . "Be proud of your scars. I may never know but you can simply ask him if you question the genuineness in his response. Most of the time, to be proud of someone means you know where they've been and how far they've come pride is a word about growth. you see the work of your close friend and you tell him "I am proud of you". The key words (for this discussion) are creditable to oneself. I wasnt happy with this performance. I know you and I haven't been seeing eye-to-eye lately. They may continually search for praise from their bosses, their co-workers, their partners. implying a mentor relationship. To try to sum this up, I mrried and ended up in a small, isolated village filled with people who either did not graduate high school or barely achieved that level of schooling. I cannot tell you how happy I am, for her, to witness her achievement and how much I admire her tenacity in overcoming all she has. Responding to Im proud of you with gratitude has many benefits. Especially when you get to hear this from your parents, it means theyre happy to see you grow up the way they raised you. As in, he's purely attracted to your appearance. Oh, youre one of my trusted supporters! 26. Benjamin Franklin Positive, Forgiveness, Respect 985 Copy quote And as it was your friends achievement, oughtnt she be the one who feels proud? I dont think there is a neutral position. . He may understand you have daddy issues and need a masculine pat on the back. 3. Isnt she elevating herself above me to oversea my behaviors to make sure I was a good little girl? Anyone who overthinks any form of compliments or think's that there are hidden agendas or people are not being completely honest about what they say, should take a step back and ask themselves why they are thinking those thoughts, personally i believe it's more about them and not what is being said about the phrase. If a friend said it to me, I might say "Thank you", but I'd be thinking "Well, who gave you authority over me, then?". 8. Listen to your inner wisdom, and make a note of the meaning that resonates with you. And John is left feeling confused and despondent. Im so glad that youre there for giving me support. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); All Rights Reserved. So tell them it feels like you are bothering them. but not the p-word. I thought who gave you the superiority, you seem to be giving yourself for my accomplishment My friend didnt understand. I'm so proud of your painting!" So thank you, mom and dad! I cannot understand that and think he is misusing the word. Family Tree. This canstop the development of their own, "You look really pleased with your effort". I got into a conflice with her sons girlfriend because this young woman was working in a store behind the til and had made a gross error in punching out my cash register amounts on my bill and I had to go and confront her to get a refund as the store owed me about $50 due to her errors. Thats something for a parent to say or a parental figurebut only occasionally. Thank you so much for this great compliment. Instead, I try implementing the approach from Parent Effectiveness Training (PET), a peaceful, gentle approach to parenting, that teaches respectful communication skills, and offers alternatives to using rewards (such as praise), or punishments (such as saying "Im disappointed"). It makes a difference I think. Great to hear this. 7. I thought to myself, who is she to be proud of me? Similarly, if someone tries to imply a mentor relationship by telling you, Im proud of you, its like a bad parent trying to claim the rights and status of a good one. 15. 3. 10. If a parent can say, 'I'm proud of you', then can the parent also say the opposite - ' I'm disappointed in you '? Although its worth taking a mental note of that in case a pattern does develop. Might you quietly ask yourself Who was it that put in the hard hours to get a good report? ), belonging to my close friend, on her business page. And why should I stop using this phrase? Children who are continually praised, or told "Im proud of you" may not believe their parent. "Im proud of you!" This will help to build your self-esteem and will help you to feel more confident. And, here are the respectful replies to respond with: 1. I believe you. Let them know that you are grateful for their support. She said yes and then she said she wanted to go with me. 6. PJ, I will give my thoughts on your post at the end of my post. First, is there anything more emotionally potent than someone you really care about and admire telling you, Im proud of you?, It feels like I can name many movies where this serves as the emotional climax. This is 20 years ago, and I still remember this moment. I can see a peer, a spouse, or even a child saying that to someone who got a new deserved promotion, for instance. Let them know that you are grateful for their support and that you appreciate their words. Well, that truly makes my day. Someone elses pride in you does not usually translate to pride in yourself. Im proud of myself, too. Youre my friend, not my parents! Again, these phrases are my evaluation of my childs effort. She is an accredited and highly experienced P.E.T. From what I read, she falls into the category of know them well but I wonder if its not something a bit out of place. Words have power and they can have a profound effect on us. Home / How Do I Respond To Im proud of you? (My answer might surprise you. Lovers often feel proud when they see their beloved in action. I felt great to know he as proud of me, especially after he had read my term report cards in high school. Towards Net Zero. Patricia Velasquez. "Always work hard, be honest, and be proud of who you are.". You have overcome something you may not had confidence in yourself to succeed. Approval is a parent's judgement of a child's choices - and to a child, this feels like a judgement of them as a person. A very concise and articulate post. What does it mean when a woman says she's proud of you? The child has done well enough for the parent to bring out the big guns the proud word. . The words I am so proud of you sum up those sentiments. Believe me when I tell you that it is not meant so kindly elsewhere. A 2017 analysis of 2012 national data from the US, showed that parent behaviour could have a protective role in a their child's mental health. I really dont see that she had a direct influence in what I chose to do. I would almost join FB in order to make the comment, Why are you proud and impressed? Here are some examples of what you shouldn't say to someone on their sober anniversary. Let them know you think it's great they're considering quitting and that you're ready to help. Most of the time you spend together is in the bedroom. Didnt your manager think you were capable of putting such a report together? Achieving your goals will help you stay motivated, inspire you to set and achieve more, and increase confidence. From that day on, I felt like I couldnt really trust him, and now I know why. She only ever said it once but it has stuck with me forever: but with my Mothers words of wisdom always echoing. When someone says "I'm proud of you", they are expressing their admiration and respect for you - and that can be a powerful thing. "How I do love you!" And thats enough for me. The phrase "Im proud of you" insinuates that the speaker (parent, teacher, co-worker, boss) has more experience, or power, or in some manner has the right to pronounce their opinion, on someone elses effort. Thank you for starting this. Health Gap. Thank you. 3. Responding to Im proud of you with gratitude can help to boost your confidence and can help you to overcome self-doubt. But this seems less common. This is a very interesting discussion for me. They dont have more power than you, and in some cases less, but their opinion matters because they know you so well, and because you respect them and what they think. This will show your appreciation for their support and will help to strengthen your relationship. We had a really nice time. While "sb is proud of him" can express positive meaning. Its my feeling that I should only express pride in something Ive accomplished. (thanks to TK and Andy for helping think this through.). To reply to that right, here are the better and funny responses to I am proud of you from your bestie. Show your appreciation for their words and use your response to create a positive and constructive environment. The insiders felt they were all superior to newcomers, no matter what the newcomers backgrounds were. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. But, it can also be a bit overwhelming because it puts the spotlight on us and can make us feel exposed. Well done!. "How long have you been sober?". If you had a hand in that success then I think it is ok to say, I am so proud of you as it does imply that the speaker played a part. I was irritated by that remark. said Christopher Robin. Instead of acting out of rage over . 2. He's proud of you. For Stein, the worst compliment is hearing: "You've lost soooo much weight! All Rights Reserved. Aw yeah, yeah, yeah. 5. I realized that I needed to open myself up to friends and partners as well. (I'd prefer "I'm really impressed with report - I can see how much effort you put in, and it's going to be helpful for the organisation". And Im so ashamed of you. I now understand that its because I dont feel superiority over anyone, and Im perfectly happy with that . Graduates: TBA, Grandparents: PET for Grandparents. He loves to share his unique perspectives and ways to make everyday conversations a bit 'lively'. Most of the time, having pride about someone else comes from a place of superiority. Overall, seeing your parents, family and loved ones are proud of you, is a great compliment. 6. Lost Index. What a surprise! by Carolyn Steber. Next course: We hope to run a face to face course beginning in early May, 2023. I almost never tell anyone Im proud of them, for exactly this reason. For going back to work when Im still hardly sleeping, due to having an 8 week old at home? I did like here. I just graduated with my degree in hospitality." "Oh, a future barista," says the other guest, swirling his drink. Then there's emotional attraction. 9 Focus on Them When Praising Them PeopleImages / Getty Images "I know how you feel". Second, he must know you well. However Simon Cowell for instance often says he is proud of a contestant he has never met before. And they both say that you're over and done with me. Required fields are marked *. The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all others, charity. But I want to let you know that I accept you whether I agree with you or not, and I'm committed to working on our relationship so we both feel . Get your facts straight. Your email address will not be published. Whatever I did, I just did it for our friendship, Bro. Of course, the child may feel really pleased to hear this positive evaluation of their efforts. Thanks, buddy! You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires. In this research, children of parents who never said "I'm proud of you" were significantly more likely to contemplate, plan or attempt suicide. This mindset will help you achieve your goals, too. But you'd like some clarity on what he really means when he says that. thats a case of someone doing one-upmanship. 13. Want to Change the Way you React to Your Children? Everything you do is with excellence. They know I mean: I am so impressed by what you did, and proud to be able to call myself your mother. If I said this to a friend it would mean the same thing. 25. The other three sound as if you're saying you're proud of yourself too. Linda Adams, in her book Be Your Best, quotes Charleszetta Waddles (African American activist): You cant give people pride, but you can provide the kind of understanding that makes people look to their inner strengths and find their own sense of pride. Larissa's writing has been published in Huffington Post Australia, Early Childhood Australia's blog 'The Spoke'; Her Canberra, Gordon Training International blog, and Generation Next blog. This is why we say, I am very happy for you! They are the one to feel proudit was THEIR accomplishment. The important thing is to reach out and let the person know that they matter to you. I use the other terms like Im so happy for you. Wondering where that may be coming from. And that's how I arrived at the "I'm Proud of You" litmus test. On Wednesday, a Proud Boy leader, Joseph . Well, that means they're impressed, happy, and overjoyed with what you did, achieved, or say something. You reject that person's generosity. My boyfriends ex, posted a im so proud of you on a photo he posted: something he achieved. The proud feeling transcends from child to parent. 5. After reading these posts, I think the following: a person will feel pride in anothers accomplishment when they feel deeply connected with the other. He remembers things that you tell him. ie you have brought them up as parents and are proud of them for their achievements or manners etc. You might say: "I'm so proud of you for trying to quit smoking. Why are you taking the credit for my effort? (I'd prefer "Congratulations! And now, that you have the other responses to I am proud of you, you can share the same based on whos saying this and after which event. So as you can likely see, when people say they're "proud" of someone else's accomplishments, they're really saying they are entitled to some honor or credit in the accomplishing of those accomplishments; and when people say they are "humbled" by other people recognizing them for their accomplishments, what they really mean is they . If a parent can say, Im proud of you, then can the parent also say the opposite , Children may become dependent on their parents (and others, such as teachers or grandparents) evaluation of their achievements. What are we trying to say or do, when we innocently, and with the best of intentions, praise our children with "Im proud of you"? When you respond to Im proud of you with gratitude, youre also taking advantage of the power of positive reinforcement. But I would also add another category: people who know you well *because* they have worked with you and even for you for a long time. I was very annoyed with her (mainly due to her attitude) and balled her out at the til. Continually acting to seek the approval of a parent is onerous for a child. We are probably trying to encourage our children, and even instil in them a sense of pride in their own achievements. So thank you Ben, for after read the above I feel happy with my Im thrilled for you, You must feel really proud and the like. 5. They often tell each other they are proud of one anothers achievements and they all know its genuine. But I believe that spouses say it, and siblings. 12. I am very proud of you too; we all are. 11. He may not have expected you to be qualified for the job. I do find it odd to say "I'm proud of you for doing the dishes". 9. The parent might have paid a lot of money, or given up time, to coach and practice tennis with their winning child. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. A good friend of mine, who has had a tough life, has just written and published her first book. It was then that I realized that who I am is a unique, valuable, and loveable person. 16. Had I ever thought about the meaning behind these words? 14. Plus, they also express how proud they are, when you do something special for them. However what messages might our children actually hear? When you say, "I'm proud of you," you may actually be simply rejoicing in another. "We will always remember. . A Macquarie Dictionary definition of proud is: feeling pleasure or satisfaction over something conceived as highly honourable or creditable to oneself. Do you mean you are also proud of yourself or that you are proud of the other person? Praise such as this is a subject on its own much research and many, many books have been written on the negative aspects of praise. It's important to remember that the power of words goes both ways. So - when a parent says, "Im so proud of you", is the parent taking the credit for the childs accomplishments? Let me tell you why. You certainly will. Make sure to take the time to think about how you want to respond. As your friend I want you to know that there is nothing I wouldn't do for you. By accepting the compliment and reflecting on your qualities, you may feel more satisfied in life. So happy for us! It can be difficult to respond to Im proud of you if youre struggling with self-doubt. This is when his feelings go deeper than the surface, and he genuinely cares about you as a person. When someone says Im proud of you, its important to take the time to think about how you want to respond. Well cover some of the better responses you can give, like thanking them, making them feel special, or making them laugh. 1. But arguing about what words mean is pointless- meanings vary. The Proud Boys ' anger toward Mr. Trump has heightened after he did nothing to help those in the group who face legal action for the Capitol violence. Thats why we feel pride in our childrens accomplishments. In these instances, simply saying "Wow" (and meaning it) will let them know you're proud. Proverbs 29:23 A person's pride will humble him, but a humble spirit will gain honor. If you care deeply for someone, it is entirely possible to share the sense of pride that they feel in THEIR achievement without your hijacking it in any way. Proverbs 18:12 Before destruction the heart of man is haughty, but humility goes before honor. If this is the case, then of whom is the parent really proud? I think you deserve the credit for this all. Paul urged his young companion Timothy to be "a worker who does not need to be ashamed" (2 Timothy 2:15). Feb 10, . 4. But what does proud mean? Happy I did it, finally! Best of BBC Future. I am still so mad, but I havent said anything about it. Language gets corrupted. You're not necessarily the expert. I agree with you: its sad that he did what my parents should have done. 2014, 2016, 2019. Pretty much an entire generation of American kids heard it from Mr. Rogers. I dont think my children have any problem with this because they know, in many other ways, I love them dearly. When you respond to Im proud of you with gratitude, youre showing that you value the words of the person expressing their admiration and respect for you. They mean the exact opposite of what you think. Try either "I'm happy for you!" or, what I find more accurate, "You bring me joy." "You bring me joy," communicates the sentiment nicely. 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